So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it's like iHOP with fire
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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