i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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