Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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