i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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