Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
