Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
