I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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