He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
