the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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