let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
