If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
