I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
