Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize