she smelled like a LAN party
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
