He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
