Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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