Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
