i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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