I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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