dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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