My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
