my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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