wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
