Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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