new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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