me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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