he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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