I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
