my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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