If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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