wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize