He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize