I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
