He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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