Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
