we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
