remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
