thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
honey bunches of taint.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
