Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We are two peas in an std pod
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
