dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
