i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
