shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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