Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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