At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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