Me. At least after what I've been through.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
