something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
