there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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