I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
