I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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