What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
