yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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