just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
