I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
