1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
ok first of all what the fuck
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
