He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
