Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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