T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
