Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
