We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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