You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
