my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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