I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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