just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's never too late to be topless.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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