Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
