Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
