At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
