found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
