I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
