I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
