You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
