Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
