His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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