So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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