if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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